Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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