I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
