I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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