She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
