don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
