I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
