yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
