So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
