were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
