Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
