I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize