i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
