Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
