You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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