I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
