I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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