East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
