She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
