im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
