Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
