I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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