he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
