Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
