it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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