dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We're too hungover to prance.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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