We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
