one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
