11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
