the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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