if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They took my balls.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
