so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
