You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
