did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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