How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
