Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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