i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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