Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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