I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
