I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
