my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
