You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
