Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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