Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
