the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
