I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
