I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
