I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
