the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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