I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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