It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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