Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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