I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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