Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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