Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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