you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
