So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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