So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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